I HATE COMPUTER SCIENCE

Congrats, pal, you’ve officially joined the ranks of those who have figured out that spending hours staring at endless strings of code is a real hoot. 

Let’s start with the basics. Computer science is the only subject where your work is guilty until proven innocent.

You spend hours writing mind-numbing code for some pointless program that no one will ever use, only to realize that you forgot a semicolon, a comma, or possibly your common sense. 

Then, when you finally think you’ve got it all figured out, the computer laughs at you and sneers “Syntax error: unexpected token” with a smug grin.

What about debugging? Oh, what fun that is! Trying to fix a problem you don’t understand, in code you’ve never seen before, using tools that make zero sense. 

It’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack, except the needle keeps moving, the haystack is on fire, and you’re allergic to hay.

Now, let’s give a standing ovation to the true heroes of the computer science world – the professors!

After all, who else can make you feel like a complete idiot for asking a question by telling you to “just Google it”? 

And if by some miracle you actually do find an answer online, these noble educators will generously share their wisdom with you by scolding you for daring to copy code from the internet.

Because obviously, you’re a mastermind criminal who’s just biding their time until the FBI busts down your door for plagiarizing a few lines of code that probably didn’t even work anyway.

Thank you, Mr. 46-year-old-virgin, for truly enriching our academic experience with your endless snark and condescension.

That brings us neatly onto the subject of group projects; the apogee of teamwork and collaboration amongst the undateables of the academic world!

There’s always that one group member who somehow manages to break everything, even though they swear up and down that they didn’t touch a damn thing.

Because obviously, their mere presence is enough to cause the codebase to spontaneously combust into flames. 

And let’s not forget about the group member who vanishes into thin air for weeks on end, probably living their best life in the land of bong hits, Brazzers, and burrito eating.

But fear not, for they will always make a grand return on the day of the presentation, expecting to be showered with praise and admiration for their non-existent contributions.

But hey, at least there’s a silver lining in all of this – if you can survive a computer science degree, you can do anything!

You could become a Blockchain Pyramid Scheme Designer, a Code Monkey Micromanager, or a Professional Semicolon Finder. 

Hell, if you’ve also got the magical ingredient of medium-functioning autism, you could even become one of those tech startup zillionaires in the space-race circle jerk that actively contributes to the world’s social dysfunction.

(Because who needs social skills when you have yet another pointless VC-funded middleman SaaS product, right?)

Or, you know, you could always switch to a liberal arts major and die in poverty. The possibilities are endless.

To get started, choose your path…

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